


Please don't die

by Jilienemily



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Confessions, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Forehead Kisses, Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-05 17:31:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14623653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jilienemily/pseuds/Jilienemily
Summary: I've read the books yet again and I needed them to find this special moment for a first, real kiss.This contains spoilers for the Raven King, all the characters, the story and my crumpled heart belong to Maggie Stiefvater.





	1. Chapter 1

The sun was just about to set outside the hotel window, as blue leaned her bare shoulder against it. She was really here. The city outside didn’t look much different from the cities she knew. And yet she was on the other side of the planet. As far away from home as she had ever been. Behind her the bathroom door opened, the gurgling sound of the toilet water running audible.   
She heard his feet coming closer, felt him standing behind her, hesitating. This was how things were between them ever since she had called him to wake up on that road. Unconsciously she hugged herself, trying to protect herself from the pain that would surely come. 

Gansey leaned against the window frame beside her, not touching her, just looking at her. 

This was the first time they were truly alone. Due to a mix up in their reservations, Henry had a single room on a different floor. At first Henry had offered to share the room with Gansey so Blue could have the single room to herself. But to her surprise Gansey had declined that offer, looking at Blue with that certain look in his eyes. The same look she found there now as she turned her head towards him. 

“Jesus Jane...”, he sighed, his finger touching his lip like it always did. There it was, the aching in her chest. “How much longer do we wait?”, he asked and for the first time she heard unhidden, clear longing in his voice. 

Blue frowned a little. Not because she didn’t know what he meant, rather because she didn’t know how to answer. 

Until I’m not afraid anymore. Until it’s safe. Until I’m sure I won’t kill you again. 

But when would that be? She had no answer to that. Her arms curled up tighter, her fingers digging into her upper arms. Almost as if she was cold. 

Gansey sighed again. His knowing, sad sigh. He knew her too well, understood her too well. That was part of the problem. 

A little voice inside her head yelled at him. Be brave for me! Kiss me! Just pull me in and be over and done with it! Don’t put this on me, please don’t put this on me. 

He reached out and gently brushed some of her hair behind her ear. She had only recently cut it again, so it was spikier than ever and didn’t obey him. As soon as fingers left her ear, the hair sprang back up again. Gansey chuckled, such a living, warm sound. 

Again his dead body flashed before her eyes and she cringed. I killed you. How are you still with me? 

Tilting his head he studied her eyes, he was looking straight through her again and she turned her head away to avoid him reading all her thought. 

“Oh Jane.” 

His voice was soft, so unbearably soft. 

“Don’t you think we’re done pretending?” 

Blue shrugged. It was a small gesture coming from her huddled form, leaning against the window, still hugging herself tightly. 

“Blue.”

The way he said it send goosebumps up and down her body. Her head snapped up and her arms lost their ability to hold on to her. Defeated. By a single word. When Gansey said Blue like that it was full of a million meanings. All of them aimed at her, all of them filled to the brim with want. 

“What?”, she whispered, barely audible above the still gurgling toilet and the quietly humming air condition. 

He stepped up to her, reminding her once again how much taller he was. Or maybe how tiny she was. It didn’t matter, he was just so damn tall. She tilted her head back and looked up at him in defiance, her lower lip trembling. 

As his warm hands gently took hold of her waist she shuddered. So warm. He pulled her closer.   
The scent of mint of old books and him, just him, filled her mind. He was so real, so alive. 

I killed you. 

She closed her eyes, lips opening the tiniest bit.   
Gansey leaned his forehead against her, shattering her heart all over again.   
New images flooded her mind. Nights in the pig, looking out over Henrietta, no one but them and the eternity of stars. They were still pretending. 

And then Gansey kissed her. 

It was so suddenly, so out of nowhere that Blue gasped. She stiffened in his arms, expecting him to fall again, to drop in front of her, dead all over again.   
But he didn’t. Instead he pulled her closer, pressing her body against his, wrapping his arms tightly around her and kissing her, kissing her full of want.  
Blues mind went blank for a second and then exploded. He was alive. He is kissing me, she thought consciously to remind herself that, yes this was really happening. And then she made such a happy, helpless sound it made Gansey laugh. 

“Don’t stop!”, she demanded, flinging her arms around his neck, nearly jumping him in her own want.


	2. Careful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I had to continue... because, why the hell not. 
> 
> More fluffy, lovey dovey Blue and Gansey. Enjoy

It was a breathless moment. One Blue swore to remember for the rest of her life. Ganseys laugh, his lips still touching hers, his fingers in her hair.   
This, this! This was a kiss, this was what a kiss was supposed to be like. 

“I’m still here.” He said, his voice sounding as relieved and surprised as Blue felt. 

“Yes, you are.” She agreed. He was still there. Gently she placed her hand on his chest, palm pressing into the fabric of his ridiculously teal polo shirt. There it was, the steady strong beating of his heart. Blue closed her eyes, smiling happily. 

“God Jane… you’re so damn beautiful.”, he sighed into her hair and kissed her forehead. It made Blues heart flutter and filled her stomach with sweet fluffy cotton candy.   
“You are damn handsome yourself… Dick.”, she grinned and laughed as he scoffed. His breath moved the hair on top of her head. They stood still entangled, still very close. Blue carefully placed her cheek on his chest, next to her hand. He was so warm.   
Ganseys arms closed around her, protectively. 

For a long moment they didn’t move. There was nothing but their breathing and the beating of their hearts. It was like a spell had finally been broken and now they were free. And just like anyone who’s spell had just been broken, they were overwhelmed with the sudden freedom. Daring thoughts ran through Blues mind, things she had always thought impossible. Things she wanted Gansey to do. Things she wanted to try.   
Her heart rate sped up and she blushed, making herself smaller in his arms. The were both eighteen now, the world was theirs. And they loved each other. 

“Hm?”, Gansey hummed, completely oblivious to the thoughts running wild in Blues mind.   
She bit her lip and smirk. 

“I love you.”, Blue said, her words half drowned in the fabric of his shirt. He made a sound that vibrated through his chest and made Blues heart jump all over again. 

“I love you too, Blue.”

His fingers carefully tipped up her chin, so she would look at him. His eyes had the same dreamlike expression as they used to have when he spoke about Glendower. Full of longing and wonder. Only now all that was aimed at Blue. 

“I love you very much Blue.”, he whispered. God, she loved him too. So damn much. Just thinking about how much she loved him made it hard for her to breathe. His fingers, still under her chin, caressed her lightly. It sent a new wave of goosebumps down her spine. 

She reached up, her fingers brushing through his silky hair. Their eyes were lost inside another, diving deeper and deeper into each other. With reckless joy she tilted her head back again and reached for his lips. He met her halfway, kissing her again. This kiss was yet again different. There was no more fear, no more worries. Just the knowledge of how much they both wanted this. Her fingers curled into his presidential hair, thoroughly ruffling it up, while his hand cupped her neck, his thumb playing with the short hair there. His other arm was still laced around her waist and if possible, he drew her even closer. There was no room left between them. Not a hairsbreadth. Inseparable. 

As Henry slammed his hand against the door they nearly jumped, springing apart out of pure habit. “Jesus Henry!” Gansey cursed, because him saying Jesus like that came the closest to cursing. 

“Go away!”, Blue called. 

“Rude!”, Henry answered from behind the closed door. 

Gansey, being Gansey, strode over and opened the door.   
“Am I interrupting something?”, Henry asked, arching an eyebrow in question. He wore what could be described as tourist hobo chic. A T-Shirt so tight it threatened to explode if he so much as took a deep breathe and jeans so stylishly ripped they looked like he had dragged them from the nearest salvation army container. 

“No.”, Gansey said. 

“Yes.”, Blue said. 

“Oh.”, said Henry. 

Blue crossed her arms, cheeks flushed, lips the tiniest bit swollen. Henry stared at her, then at Gansey, then back at her.   
“Oh.My.God.”, he pressed a hand to his heart.   
“You two kissed!”  
Gansey groaned, Blue rolled her eyes.   
“And you’re still standing man! Well done!”, Henry proudly boxed Ganseys shoulder.   
“Shit, I’m really interrupting. I’ve only come to ask if you guys wanna eat out. But hey, you keep going. I’ll get room service.”, he wiggled his eyes at Blue, who buried her face in her hand, groaning annoyed.   
“Yes, thank you Henry. You do that.”, Gansey said, still polite but with burning ears. Henry winked at them and then marched off, beaming from ear to ear.   
Gansey slowly closed the door.   
“Jesus.”, he repeated exasperated. 

Blue laughed, mostly at the expression on Ganseys face. An expression that drastically changed once the door was properly closed and they were alone again. The laughter died in Blues throat as he looked at her in a very new, intense way. Had he ever looked at her like that? 

Yes, he had. That one night in the pig, shortly before everything had gone to shit. This was her favorite Gansey again, raw and real and rumpled. He held out a hand for her. As always, he allowed her to decline, should she wish so. But Blue was far from wanting to decline anything coming from Gansey at this moment. The hole in her chest was finally healing and made room for new, exciting things.   
Her bare feet made no sound on the thick hotelroom carpet as she walked over to him, her fingers lacing with his. Gansey kissed the tip of her nose. 

“What do we do now Jane?”, he asked softly and Blue shuddered at the tone in his voice.   
“I don’t know, this is a first for me.”, she whispered, because even whispering seemed almost too loud in this unreal, twilight that filled the room. They had left the real world and stepped into their very own Cabeswater. Their own dream place. 

Blue lifted their entwined hands, marveling at the contrast between his beautifully tanned hands and her naturally darker ones. She wondered if she would tan like him now that they traveled together. If his Ganseyness would grow on her too. Softly she placed a kiss on his fingertips. 

“We can talk.”, she quietly suggested, looking up at him again. “Like we used to, when you called me or I called you.”   
Gansey nodded slowly, looking over her head he looked outside. Night was falling, streetlights coming alive. 

“Would you like to go for a walk?”, he asked, his thumb brushing over the back of her hand. 

“Yes, I would like to. I think I saw a park on our way here.” 

“Just what I thought.”


End file.
